If We Had Known

by Kelly Wegscheid

If grandma had known how lies transform into shadows, dark and dense…

If grandma had known that secrets are seeds that grow like sequoias - immense…

If grandma had known that a tiny piece of every sin would cling to those she loved…

Would she have had the strength to stand in light and ask for mercy from above?

If grandpa had known his daughter’s heart was fragile and afraid…

If grandpa had known his words could cure the aches of night and day…

If grandpa had known that grace and love really did pour through his eyes…

Would he have spoke more frequently of love and strength before he died?

If I had known my actions then would bring me to my knees,

And make me cry out every night to stop the pain, Lord, please…

If I had known the things God knows back when my life was spinning…

Would I have stood and had the strength to keep those lives from ending?

Will my children know the pain incurred from those who nurse the lies?

Will my grand-kids feel the secrets old that grip so many lives?

For them to know, when day is done, that light can heal all shame,

Someone has to be the one that shares the power of Your Name.

Tailspin Anyone?

I know that I have told God that I don't like roller coasters! The emotional ones, that is. I didn't think I would have had to specifically include "tail spins" in the list of things I do not like. I assume He knows. Whether I told Him or not. He is God, right? The all-knowing? So, apparently He doesn't care that I don't like roller coasters or tailspins. Or maybe it's precisely because I don't like them that He keeps putting me in them. He either thinks it's funny or He's using that stupid Face Your Fear To Get Over It philosophy. But I don't fear roller coasters or tailspins. I just strongly dislike them. So, I believe He just thinks it's funny.

Here I am, on my nice little life adventure in my little private plane. God is the pilot, of course. We are cruising along at a good altitude, enjoying the view and maybe listening to some good soulful music. Suddenly the plane takes a nose dive, then goes into a tail spin! He waits for me to crap my pants before he pulls the plane out of it, and through tears of gut-wrenching laughter, God (my God, the almighty God) says "Wow I really scared you! That was great! Ahhhwww...I'm sorry. But that really was hilarious!"

It makes me want to punch Him.

You know, I used to strongly dislike physical roller coasters too. The real, tangible, amusement park ones. I didn't hate them. I just didn't think there was any particularly good reason for throwing one's body around and letting it entertain the very real possibility that it could be flung unnaturally through the air and crash, just as unnaturally, to the ground. It seemed, well, unnatural.

That changed the day I decided to ride a ridiculously overpriced, extravagant, but still seemingly pointless roller coaster in Las Vegas, simply to pass the time away while waiting for a flight out of town. While buckling into the ride, I couldn't believe I had actually given someone hard earned money for just a few minutes of such an unnatural experience. However, those same few minutes later, my face filled with teethy grin, I hysterically screamed with a hoarse voice "Let's do it again!!"

No one could have convinced me beforehand how exhilarating and life-affirming that experience would be (...for me anyway...the teary first words of the friend we had forced to go with us were "I HATE YOU BOTH!"). Yes, I screamed. Yes, I roared. I screamed and roared with both terror and with thrill. There was not one cell in my body that was thinking.

Maybe the reason I previously did not like roller coasters is because they were too mild. They left room to think about and analyze the experience. Whereas the life altering experience in Las Vegas was pure reaction and emotion. The only intellectual part about it was the decision to pay the price and get on the ride.

Maybe that's what God wants for me on these emotional rides. He may want me to make the decision that I'm all in. And then experience His ultimate Extreme Emotional Thrill Ride. Won't it be fun when I can come out of an emotional tailspin saying "That was great!" instead of wanting to punch God?

Do You Have a Plan?

I'm excited. I'm starting something new again. Well, it's not quite new. It's been hanging around for years. But I'm starting it. Again. For real this time. I'm committed. I'm motivated. And I'm taking steps.

Today, someone asked me "Do you have a plan?" A plan? "Yeah. Do you have a plan?"

Do I need a plan? I mean, I just started. Albeit again. I just committed. Albeit finally. I trust it has all been in God's timing, the starting of this "new thing." His hand has been too evident in it to not believe that. And progress, too, will be in God's hands.

But isn't it true that failing to plan is the same as planning to fail? That's what common, modern, business enthusiasm would prescribe. Right? It makes sense. I'm restraining myself from reciting all the logical and very sensible reasons why this axiom is so prevalent. I know them all. They all make sense. They are boundaries and maps for our frail human determination. We need to have a plan to make progress. Don't we?

Why I'm restraining myself from the logical plan-making instead of just doing it, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I'd like to think that my lack of schedule and planning is somehow more "spiritually led" and thus more spiritual. That would justify it right? It certainly sounds better than I'm lazy or scatterbrained. Maybe it's because I want to make sure that God will get all the credit for any positive results because I would not have had MY plan to lean on. Maybe it's because I don't like planning. I just like being excited and starting something. Maybe it's because I like the element of surprise and newness each day when God unfolds what He wants me to do that day, instead of me knowing in advance what I intend to do and then being disappointed when it happens differently. I also like the excitement that ensues when I have "no idea where any of this is leading" but then suddenly I look back over the past months and see some awesome road that has been forged through a jungle.

No. I don't have a plan. At least not yet. Maybe never. Unless my plan is to follow God's prompting each day. Unless I get a plan FROM God tomorrow. Then I'll have a plan. You know what? I'm changing my answer. To: 

"Yes. I have a plan. But it's God's plan and He hasn't revealed it to me yet."

Leaving the Nest

This morning I had the privilege of watching two baby cardinals venture out of their nest for the first time! It was precious!
Thank you to the neighbors who saved one of them from their cat. The cat is "grounded" indoors for the rest of the day. A few minutes earlier, he sure looked suspicious...and bold!
There is no facing backward for any of these animals. That seems to be strictly a human characteristic.
Click on the photos for a close-up look.