Tailspin Anyone?

I know that I have told God that I don't like roller coasters! The emotional ones, that is. I didn't think I would have had to specifically include "tail spins" in the list of things I do not like. I assume He knows. Whether I told Him or not. He is God, right? The all-knowing? So, apparently He doesn't care that I don't like roller coasters or tailspins. Or maybe it's precisely because I don't like them that He keeps putting me in them. He either thinks it's funny or He's using that stupid Face Your Fear To Get Over It philosophy. But I don't fear roller coasters or tailspins. I just strongly dislike them. So, I believe He just thinks it's funny.

Here I am, on my nice little life adventure in my little private plane. God is the pilot, of course. We are cruising along at a good altitude, enjoying the view and maybe listening to some good soulful music. Suddenly the plane takes a nose dive, then goes into a tail spin! He waits for me to crap my pants before he pulls the plane out of it, and through tears of gut-wrenching laughter, God (my God, the almighty God) says "Wow I really scared you! That was great! Ahhhwww...I'm sorry. But that really was hilarious!"

It makes me want to punch Him.

You know, I used to strongly dislike physical roller coasters too. The real, tangible, amusement park ones. I didn't hate them. I just didn't think there was any particularly good reason for throwing one's body around and letting it entertain the very real possibility that it could be flung unnaturally through the air and crash, just as unnaturally, to the ground. It seemed, well, unnatural.

That changed the day I decided to ride a ridiculously overpriced, extravagant, but still seemingly pointless roller coaster in Las Vegas, simply to pass the time away while waiting for a flight out of town. While buckling into the ride, I couldn't believe I had actually given someone hard earned money for just a few minutes of such an unnatural experience. However, those same few minutes later, my face filled with teethy grin, I hysterically screamed with a hoarse voice "Let's do it again!!"

No one could have convinced me beforehand how exhilarating and life-affirming that experience would be (...for me anyway...the teary first words of the friend we had forced to go with us were "I HATE YOU BOTH!"). Yes, I screamed. Yes, I roared. I screamed and roared with both terror and with thrill. There was not one cell in my body that was thinking.

Maybe the reason I previously did not like roller coasters is because they were too mild. They left room to think about and analyze the experience. Whereas the life altering experience in Las Vegas was pure reaction and emotion. The only intellectual part about it was the decision to pay the price and get on the ride.

Maybe that's what God wants for me on these emotional rides. He may want me to make the decision that I'm all in. And then experience His ultimate Extreme Emotional Thrill Ride. Won't it be fun when I can come out of an emotional tailspin saying "That was great!" instead of wanting to punch God?

Do You Have a Plan?

I'm excited. I'm starting something new again. Well, it's not quite new. It's been hanging around for years. But I'm starting it. Again. For real this time. I'm committed. I'm motivated. And I'm taking steps.

Today, someone asked me "Do you have a plan?" A plan? "Yeah. Do you have a plan?"

Do I need a plan? I mean, I just started. Albeit again. I just committed. Albeit finally. I trust it has all been in God's timing, the starting of this "new thing." His hand has been too evident in it to not believe that. And progress, too, will be in God's hands.

But isn't it true that failing to plan is the same as planning to fail? That's what common, modern, business enthusiasm would prescribe. Right? It makes sense. I'm restraining myself from reciting all the logical and very sensible reasons why this axiom is so prevalent. I know them all. They all make sense. They are boundaries and maps for our frail human determination. We need to have a plan to make progress. Don't we?

Why I'm restraining myself from the logical plan-making instead of just doing it, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I'd like to think that my lack of schedule and planning is somehow more "spiritually led" and thus more spiritual. That would justify it right? It certainly sounds better than I'm lazy or scatterbrained. Maybe it's because I want to make sure that God will get all the credit for any positive results because I would not have had MY plan to lean on. Maybe it's because I don't like planning. I just like being excited and starting something. Maybe it's because I like the element of surprise and newness each day when God unfolds what He wants me to do that day, instead of me knowing in advance what I intend to do and then being disappointed when it happens differently. I also like the excitement that ensues when I have "no idea where any of this is leading" but then suddenly I look back over the past months and see some awesome road that has been forged through a jungle.

No. I don't have a plan. At least not yet. Maybe never. Unless my plan is to follow God's prompting each day. Unless I get a plan FROM God tomorrow. Then I'll have a plan. You know what? I'm changing my answer. To: 

"Yes. I have a plan. But it's God's plan and He hasn't revealed it to me yet."

Leaving the Nest

This morning I had the privilege of watching two baby cardinals venture out of their nest for the first time! It was precious!
Thank you to the neighbors who saved one of them from their cat. The cat is "grounded" indoors for the rest of the day. A few minutes earlier, he sure looked suspicious...and bold!
There is no facing backward for any of these animals. That seems to be strictly a human characteristic.
Click on the photos for a close-up look.

How Long?

How many times have you cried out "How long?"
How long do I have to endure this?
How long do I have to be patient?
How long before the pain subsides?
How long will I have to walk this valley of the shadow of death?

I had a revelation yesterday. The answer to "How long?" is "At least until you believe it is forever." Maybe that answer is specific to me at this moment in my life, but I believe it has some universal truth also.

How many times have you believed your pain or struggle would last forever? For me, it has been often. But not consistently. That is, there have been many times when I thought I would never get out of a pit, but it obviously hasn't lasted my whole life-time. The interesting thing is that in order for it to happen often, wouldn't I have had to leave that pit at some point, in order to return to it? So, it is never forever even if I feel as though it will be.

This past week, I was there again. I was in a place of hopelessness. A place I was starting to believe I would never get out of, even though I had only been there a couple weeks. When suddenly it dawned on me that every time in the past that I felt I would be suffering forever, I had eventually found reprieve. That's when it hit me. If I believe healing can never happen, then when it does it truly is miraculous.

If, while I am in the pit, I believe I can work my way out, or read my way out, or laugh my way out, or medicate my way out, or fight my way out, or even pray my way out, then I am believing that I am, at least partially, in control of the outcome. However, if I accept that I have no control whatsoever...that this pain will last forever and there is no more I can do, then when I do find freedom, there is no doubt that it is the hand of God.

I read somewhere recently (and I wish I could remember where) something to the effect that "learning is in the heart, but knowing is in the soul." Only God can reach that place of our own knowing.

Time

Do you recognize the information bombardment that you receive on a daily basis? Internet, TV, radio, movies, news, advertising, texting, email and phone calls. Are you aware of worldly time structures? Punching the clock, being on time to meetings and church and school and social events, filling your calendar with appropriate activities, creating and checking off items on your to-do list. These are all man's invented conventions.

Life is not measured by time. Protect yourself from these worldly structures. It's OK to use technology and structures, but don't let them restrict or limit your route, your destination, or become the experience of the journey.

Moments are not blocks of time. Moments are experiences. 

Life is the moments, the experiences, the people, relationships, stories. The self discipline that you long for is not a structure or forcing yourself into an accomplishment. Self-discipline is BE-ing in the moment, fully BE-ing in the experience.

Do not let worldly conventions swallow you up and dominate you. Step outside of all those structures and technology and see them for what they are...tools. Then, trust God to create the moments, stories, and experiences for you to BE in.

Embrace the moments.

Dali's "Persistence of Time"

Letter from Jesus

As a followup to the previous post, here is a letter from Jesus, as read on KTIS, with His opinion on the celebration of His birthday:
Christmas letter from Jesus

When is Enough Enough?

The following was tweeted by @dosomething DoSomething.org:

"Saw a lot of middle schoolers with iPhones over the weekend. How young is too young to get a cell phone?"

My mind started wandering...
...A cell phone in middle school seems OK, but probably not a smart phone.
Then...Why is a cell phone in middle school OK? A few years previously, we were wondering if our high school students should have cell phones. And that whole texting thing? That's just anti-social. ;)

Then...When I was in high school, I thought it would be the coolest thing ever to have my own red trimline phone in my bedroom. You know, so I wouldn't have to stretch the pigtail cord of the family's one phone from the wall mount in the kitchen down the hall to my bedroom to have a few minutes of privacy. Push-button wasn't even on the radar yet...I knew nothing but rotary dial. My parents certainly didn't think we should have our own phone. They were still happy we had a private line instead of the party line we had when I was very young. Of course, everyone deserved a private line...but one phone per household was plenty. Teenagers shouldn't spend so much time talking on the phone anyway.

Then...how about music? I never did get my trimline (and I survived), but I do remember getting my first radio in middle school. I loved this thing! "It's an S... It's an O... It's a crazy radio!" Then in high school, my parents surprised me with a used stereo/turn-table/tape-deck with separate speakers (huge ones, of course). I was the envy of my friends.

Then...thinking about stereos...I remembered visiting my grandparents when I was about thirteen. I was trying to figure out the console phonograph. "How do you change stations on this?" I asked. The reply was "Oh! I suppose you listen to those FM stations." Apparently they hadn't discovered the need  for FM yet and were happy listening to AM. FM in their mind was apparently for the young and on-the-edge crowd. I wonder if my grandparents thought I was too young for FM?
Then...Compare that to these portable tiny iPod thingies that they take everywhere and can plug them directly into their ears and never be without music, distraction, creativity, inspiration! It truly is unnatural. There's just no need for that.

Then...VCR's! Certainly no need for movies in the home! They are just another luxury. Of course we deserved multiple TV's by then, but not VCR's.

Then...When did we start deserving even one TV? Growing up, our neighbors didn't have a TV. It wasn't that weird...we felt privileged instead of thinking of them as lacking. Their whole family would come over annually to watch The Wizard of Oz, and again for the Miss America Pageant. (I just realized the strangeness of those two choices). It was a party!

"Too young for what?"
"Need is a funny word"

Evil is not inherent in any thing, but in the intention of the person using it.