The Next Step

Feeling overwhelmed with obligations, responsibilities, purposes, visions, burdens, worries.
Trying to prioritize.
What's the next step?  There are so many. How do I do it all?

...one step at a time...

There can only be one next step! It's impossible to take more than one step at a time.
That narrows it down quite a bit.

In order to move at all, I just have to pick one next step.

That step might be a physical action, an emotional shift, or an intellectual "ah-ha!" It might take a few seconds, a day, or a month. I may not even realize when it was completed, but hind-sight will tell me
...it is finished.

Then...the next next step...
...just pick one.

Serendipitous Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookies, to me, are entertainment and dessert. I don't put any more faith in them than I do in any other "coincidence" that God has orchestrated.
With that said, I find it very interesting that I had the following fortune this past week (in light of my last post):

"No one can walk backwards into the future."

Perhaps a little serendipitous.
Perhaps coincidence.
Perhaps divine orchestration.
Definitely encouragement...to consider boldly facing forward into the future, instead of settling for facing backward.

Logistically, I do believe it is possible to "walk backwards into the future." But the point might be that one cannot do it as boldly, confidently, or courageously as is possible by facing the future.

I'd like to face my future boldly, confidently, and courageously. Next step...discovering the next step.
Thus, the journey continues.

I'm a Dreamer.

I’m a dreamer. Daytime and nighttime. They intermix...the daytime with nighttime dreams...the dreams themselves...and dreams with reality (whatever that is).

My day dreams aren’t as often whimsical fantasies of escape as they are visions of a radical future. They include both promises fulfilled and the battles fought along the way. They are frequently overwhelming and hard to wrap my mind around. They are the dreams that I am compelled to share with my closest friends, who are always quick to affirm the passion they’ve stirred.

My night dreams are sometimes too prolific to process. Even those rambling, inane trips through an ever-changing landscape tend to hide in them profound messages of hope and encouragement: keep the faith...you can do it...this journey is yours...embrace who you are. The messages can be simple and obvious (don’t eat ice-cream before going to sleep) or deep and difficult (the call to step out of my comfort zone...further). The meaning for me seems to be glaringly obvious at first awakening, but the more I think on it, the more complex it becomes. Keeping a dream journal is invaluable, but in hindsight, it is always amazing how much is revealed to me through dreams that I don’t process consciously.

Recording my visions and dreams, followed by my thoughts and interpretations of each, then looking back through them every few months, has been an adventure. In trying to keep moving forward in life, while facing backward, my dreams are those peripheral glimpses of the path ahead of me.

This week, a dear friend helped me to see that perhaps facing backward isn't necessarily the default in life. Maybe my personal journey includes having the courage to actually turn around and boldly face forward on the path. Maybe it's possible to move toward those visions with more confidence and less fear. I like it. It might take me a while, but I’m game.

I'm hoping you'll walk with me and let me know when you notice me starting to face forward!

Over-Thinking and Under-Doing

I've been struggling with what I thought was a lack of something to say. Well, that just didn't resonate. I can't remember when the last time was that I didn't have something to say (many of you will vouch for that). There have been times when I didn't think anyone was listening, so I refrained from speaking or writing, but the myriad of thoughts have always run rampant in my head.

So...what has really been going on then, if I couldn't decide what to write? I've never had a problem writing. My biggest peace has always come from writing. And once I start, I just can't stop. I crave time to write. So, I wondered if the idea of making my thoughts public was the hindrance for me? Maybe...that has been a block over the years. But...I believe I have been blessed enough by "spilling my guts" in the past, that I now trust that sharing will always bring more favor than adversity. Despite the vulnerability I sometimes feel, I usually trust it's just akin to the jitters before a performance.

Finally, it hit me! I have too much to write about! I can't pick one thought over another...they are all so worthy of being explored (....at least to me...and, truth be told, if I'm not interested in it, why would I write about it??).

Solution? Write about what's on my mind at the moment? Oh, no...I could never type fast enough. Nor would anyone want to read it!

I guess I'm still working on the solution. Just like life, my focus will always be on Facing Backward...living life intentionally. Some of the topics that I will be - randomly or not - touching on will be the things that I have passion for in my life. Of course. I do tend to find the quirky details within the big picture and can be easily led astray by colorful objects and thoughts. But...the heart of this blog is intentionality. The body is comprised of all the Big Ideas that help focus all the chaos into something with a name.

Some of the Big Ideas that you can expect to wander through with me are...

• Homeless Youth...in our own back yard (www.sourcemn.org)
• Support & Mentoring Ministries...depression, abuse, recovery...
• Sex Trafficking...Yes, in our own back yard (www.breakingfree.net).
• Christianity, prayer, and a Biblical world-view.

I am always open to suggestions on topics to explore. Let me know what you are struggling with, have a passion for, or just enjoy discussing.

Letting Go

I have been hearing the message a lot lately, from many directions, telling me to let go...move on...be a victor, not a victim...choose freedom over bondage. My reaction has mostly been that I am so glad that I have been able to let go of so much from the past. I've worked through a lot and have felt a great freedom and transformation, over the past year especially.

So, I had to wonder why I had been getting this message again. I got my answer this morning, thanks to Sarah, who spoke at our women's brunch. Of course, she talked about freedom. What did I expect? Over and over she asked "what is holding you hostage?" Giving examples, and asking again.

The answer I heard ringing in my head over and over, as Sarah asked the question over and over, was "my expectations of others." That is what holds me hostage...unable to taste the freedom of what is in store for me.

I have expectations of my husband, my children, friends, co-workers, my church, my neighbors, ...politicians even! The convicting thoughts kept popping into my head, one after another. Every expectation I have of someone else just leads to frustration and usually disappointment on my part. Why? Simply because other people are not me. Duh! Right? They don't make the same choices, have the same thoughts, live the same life, or have the same likes and dislikes, as me. (How boring if they did!) So, of course, they will not meet my expectations.

Looking at it that way, why on earth would anyone want to be in bondage to their expectations of others and let themselves be distracted from making their own choices, having their own thoughts, and living their own life...regardless of what anyone else does, thinks, or says?

Now that I have been awakened to this, let's see how well I do at recognizing this on a daily basis. Letting go...of my expectations of others. Choosing to live my life. You know...that could bring some pretty awesome surprises...

What's holding you hostage?

Service and ME

Every since writing that last post, I have been bothered by how whiney it sounded. I would just delete it, but then this post wouldn't make sense as a followup to it! Sure, I was thanking someone for great service, but that was just the exclamation point at the end of how much I don't expect good service, and how rare I believe it is.

Deep down, when I was writing about my stress in dealing with service personnel, I was wondering where I fell on that servant scale. From one to ten, if one is "hate serving, and people" and ten is "service with a (sincere) smile," I was feeling like I'm definitely in the lower end most of the time.

Of course, when it's something I enjoy doing, and/or something I'm getting paid to dedicate my time to, I can cheerfully serve and feel like I'm doing a service. But...how often is that...really?

In my daily routine, when it imposes on my time, or is outside my job description...
Do I happily serve my family in a way the helps improve their day?
Do I notice when someone at the store needs a hand with groceries?  And then offer that hand?
Do I pleasantly let the anxious person at the stop sign go out of turn?
Do I thank the attendants and cashiers I interact with?
Do I listen to a friend - or stranger - with a heartache or frustration?
Do I notice how much I have, compared to others in my community, and find a way to share?

I could go on and on with ideas, but I would have to answer all of them "not usually."
If I think of how delighted I was with the simple act of good service I experienced last week, I should link that to how I could also be someone who could pass on a little delight.

Funny thing is, I know it would make my day better also, to know I was a part of sharing a little delight with someone else. Why don't I more often? Intentionality. I want to more often. I want to be more intentional about serving others.

In the analogy of Facing Backwards...I want to slow down on the path so I can make sure I'm going the right direction and that I'm paying attention to the clues that I'm tripping over. I want to slow down enough that I will notice others on their paths, too. Not just stare at my path and worry about if I'm comfortable...or complain because I'm tripping over someone's pain...or get frustrated because I have to slow down when my path intersects another. Those intersections are where the opportunities to serve are.

That's what I wanted to say.

Please post a comment if...
You have a suggestion on out-of-the-box or out-of-my-comfort-zone ways to be intentional about serving.
You have a story about a way that you served, or were served, that is inspirational, fun, or unique.

Service People Who Don't Like Serving...or People

I just had a wonderful experience with a service call (well, service chat actually). When was the last time you were able to say that?

Usually, when I find myself in the frustrating place of thinking I've tried everything I know and I just need to talk to someone in the service department, I suddenly feel my anxiety level increase. It's as if I will try anything, everything, several times, many times before resorting to the dreaded support department. I will even sometimes call friends who don't know anything about the situation just to reassure myself that it's not a dumb question...before calling support. By the time I finally do break down and contact the service line, I'm already defensive, feeling oh-so-stupid, and irritated (as I'm guessing 90 percent of all service call customers are).

What's with all the anxiety and defensiveness before calling service? Isn't service supposed to serve your needs and set you at ease? It's been suggested to me by friends who are in the service field that coming into the conversation from a more amiable starting point would probably help.

I did try being the nice, supportive one a few times. After all, this person on the other end probably hates their job, or maybe they didn't get enough sleep, or maybe they have childhood issues ....wait a minute...who is supporting who on this supposed-to-be-5-minute call? I just want to know how to do something that's your job to tell me how to do, If I knew how, I wouldn't have called.

So, the next phase was trying to be patient and assume the service person just doesn't understand my dilemma. They just need me to explain it again, right? Apparently not. You see, they already know my dilemma and are certain it has nothing to do with them, the company they work for, or anything really. Sigh.

I've resorted to the online support chat lately, whenever it's available. It's much easier to not notice the condescension or ambivalence in their voice when you can't hear their voice. It's also less personable, which you would think would not be good. But...some service people just don't want to be personable. I'll respect that. I just want my problem fixed.

So...I had to call support this evening. I went through all the contortions all day trying to solve the problem on my own. Then I posted a question in the appropriate forum. Just making sure I was posting to the correct forum takes more time than calling support. But I had to be sure I had exhausted all other options. The answers in the forum were what I dreaded....I needed to contact my hosting company.

OK...big breath...click on "live chat support" at HostMySite.com and watch the timer count down. Within seconds, Andrew types "hi". I type out my question as clearly as I can. Immediate response with a link to an article with step by step directions. But wait...(see it can't be this simple)...I got this far but I don't know the IP address...I know it's a dumb question, but I just can't find the IP address. Within seconds, Andrew gave me the IP address!!! Just like that. Not directions to finding it. Not someone else to ask. Not a reason why I should know it. THANK YOU Andrew!

I actually didn't have any further questions for Andrew, but I made one up so the chat could last a tiny bit longer.

Thank you to all you wonderful service people out there that love serving...and people!