How many times have you cried out "How long?"
How long do I have to endure this?
How long do I have to be patient?
How long before the pain subsides?
How long will I have to walk this valley of the shadow of death?
I had a revelation yesterday. The answer to "How long?" is "At least until you believe it is forever." Maybe that answer is specific to me at this moment in my life, but I believe it has some universal truth also.
How many times have you believed your pain or struggle would last forever? For me, it has been often. But not consistently. That is, there have been many times when I thought I would never get out of a pit, but it obviously hasn't lasted my whole life-time. The interesting thing is that in order for it to happen often, wouldn't I have had to leave that pit at some point, in order to return to it? So, it is never forever even if I feel as though it will be.
This past week, I was there again. I was in a place of hopelessness. A place I was starting to believe I would never get out of, even though I had only been there a couple weeks. When suddenly it dawned on me that every time in the past that I felt I would be suffering forever, I had eventually found reprieve. That's when it hit me. If I believe healing can never happen, then when it does it truly is miraculous.
If, while I am in the pit, I believe I can work my way out, or read my way out, or laugh my way out, or medicate my way out, or fight my way out, or even pray my way out, then I am believing that I am, at least partially, in control of the outcome. However, if I accept that I have no control whatsoever...that this pain will last forever and there is no more I can do, then when I do find freedom, there is no doubt that it is the hand of God.
I read somewhere recently (and I wish I could remember where) something to the effect that "learning is in the heart, but knowing is in the soul." Only God can reach that place of our own knowing.
