Something Stinks

[Photo from Animal Planet]

I was "skunked" in my dream, and maybe in my real life too. 

There was a man named Skunk. Apparently for some reason, that really didn't involve me but had more to do with protecting himself by redirecting suspicion, he had registered my name and entered slanderous rumors about me in a validity database. The original intent of this database was for the proper authorities to privately approve or deny any claims submitted. Unfortunately for many, soon after Skunk's entry, the database project was dropped and all the open cases were declassified, unprotected and available for public viewing. People swarmed the database considering it to be a new authority on dirty laundry. Entries were unable to be deleted, unable to be refuted, unable to be defended. No recourse, no recovery, no reason. I had been "skunked."

Have you ever been "skunked?" I've been feeling skunked lately. Thus the dream, I guess. However, this dream really made me think about how I should be responding to being skunked. I did a little research on skunks to help me think it through. Two main themes that stood out. 1) A skunk is really a pacifist. It just wants to be left alone. If it feels threatened, it will give multiple warnings. Only if those warnings go unheeded, it will spray. 2) Something stinks in my life.

In the dream, I was the one "sprayed" by Skunk. It was not because of me, but I suffered the consequences. A spray is a protection. The skunk's desire to live within his own shelter. I could have been sprayed because of a perceived threat by Skunk, but I will suffer whether the threat was intentional or not, real or not, because I did not notice the warnings, or recognize them as warnings. Perhaps my reputation will suffer. Or maybe my confidence. But now, "something stinks" in my life.

But what has changed? It is only other people's perception of me that has changed. It's not my perception of me (unless I take it on). God's perception of me definitely has not changed. In its most basic reality, this skunking is just a tiny bit of misunderstanding. Maybe more from some people than others, but nonetheless, just misunderstanding. And misunderstanding is really nothing personal, nothing malicious.

I realize that in my life (vs. the dream) I have been taking on this "skunking" as persecution. Persecution being an ill-treatment, or an actual "acting out" of a desire to "put down" the person. Persecution?! Get over myself! Just because someone doesn't "get" me, or is misinformed about me, does not keep me from having confidence and faith. Misunderstanding is just that. Someone's understanding misses the mark of reality.

And then, I have been taking this perceived persecution as a righteous reason to be angry. Angry?! Another step in the wrong direction. If I was indeed being persecuted, I should be counting it a blessing to be worthy of it. You see, I believe that those who stand firm in their faith, and truly desire to live a Godly life, will suffer persecution. So, as I said, if it really is persecution, I should be taking it as affirmation of my faith, not be angry at those doing the persecuting.

I've been skunked. 

Not the first time. Probably not the last. 

I have decided to respond with "Oh well!"

Urgency in Slow Motion

Does your life ever feel like it is a long drawn-out slow motion event of catching someone’s eye across a crowded room, connecting at some cosmic level of knowing and urgency, trying desperately to reach them in an act to save the world (or perhaps yourself), but only being able to see them from your peripheral vision from then on?

Hm. Mine does. Sometimes.
Is that weird?

Silver Lining Affirmation

Yesterday I sent an email to my inner circle of supporters privately declaring my official launch of the Silver Lining Project. It's been a long time coming - years - and not without a lot of inner obstacles and outer doubts. For something that seems so simple and right, there certainly is a lot of angst attached to it. As I should have expected, today brought an attack of proportions equal to the excitement I had just hurled out of my private space into the "real world".

Driving this afternoon, my iPod cranked more than usual in the car, I was asking (actually, whining to) God why there always has to be a struggle walking along side every blessing. I was hoping for a little tedium for a while, but wasn't finding it. God replied immediately, shouting through my iPod, in the lyrics:

Don't you give up now 

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining

Whoa! One of my favorite songs was playing and, not surprising, I had not really heard this stanza before.  This time it was crystal clear, and loud. My cynical, and faithless, response to God, as I looked up and saw a sky completely full of clouds? "OK, so prove it and lets see the sun shine through!" Before the song was half done, this is what I saw:
(click to see larger)



Point taken.
I apologized for the cynicism.
Thanked Him for the encouragement.
Promised I wouldn't give up. 
Not like I really would have.
Don't think I can.

 

(Yes, I stopped the car to take the photo)

The song on You Tube with Lyrics
"What Faith Can Do" by Kutless:


Silver Lining Project:
"There is deep healing that occurs when the grip of secrecy and shame is shattered by the telling of one’s story. And there is equally deep hope, comfort, and encouragement for those who get to hear those stories and realize they are not alone. I am passionate about encouraging women to share their stories."

August at the Cabin

Almost There

(Click on photos for larger view)

Greeted by a Fungi

Looking Up on the Path

Lake View

On the way to the dock

An Important Part of the Cabin Experience

Last Hooray Before Home

No Earthly Good

Perhaps I am “so heavenly minded that I am no earthly good.” 

I desperately want heaven to open and pour down on me. I desperately want myself and those around me to desperately want something more from life. Knowing that that desperation will never be satisfied this side of heaven, I want heaven to come to earth and increase that desperation in all of us for more of heaven. 

I have no. desire. what. so. ever. to do chores. 

Perhaps that is why I sometimes feel I am "no earthly good."

Primitive Camping...in Style

Primitive because this is considered a primitive camp site at Crow Wing State Park in Minnesota. That means no electrical hookups or plumbing. Who needs electricity when camping? We were camping in good style. Our plumbing felt luxurious with the working well right on site, and our own private out-house! Food was served in the stylish, fully screened, shelter which houses 3 picnic tables.
Despite hot afternoon temps, perfect tent weather prevailed overnight. No desire to sleep indoors. And, we were able to drive right up to the camp site! No wagons or carts.
  Click on the photos for a close-up look.

If We Had Known

by Kelly Wegscheid

If grandma had known how lies transform into shadows, dark and dense…

If grandma had known that secrets are seeds that grow like sequoias - immense…

If grandma had known that a tiny piece of every sin would cling to those she loved…

Would she have had the strength to stand in light and ask for mercy from above?

If grandpa had known his daughter’s heart was fragile and afraid…

If grandpa had known his words could cure the aches of night and day…

If grandpa had known that grace and love really did pour through his eyes…

Would he have spoke more frequently of love and strength before he died?

If I had known my actions then would bring me to my knees,

And make me cry out every night to stop the pain, Lord, please…

If I had known the things God knows back when my life was spinning…

Would I have stood and had the strength to keep those lives from ending?

Will my children know the pain incurred from those who nurse the lies?

Will my grand-kids feel the secrets old that grip so many lives?

For them to know, when day is done, that light can heal all shame,

Someone has to be the one that shares the power of Your Name.

Tailspin Anyone?

I know that I have told God that I don't like roller coasters! The emotional ones, that is. I didn't think I would have had to specifically include "tail spins" in the list of things I do not like. I assume He knows. Whether I told Him or not. He is God, right? The all-knowing? So, apparently He doesn't care that I don't like roller coasters or tailspins. Or maybe it's precisely because I don't like them that He keeps putting me in them. He either thinks it's funny or He's using that stupid Face Your Fear To Get Over It philosophy. But I don't fear roller coasters or tailspins. I just strongly dislike them. So, I believe He just thinks it's funny.

Here I am, on my nice little life adventure in my little private plane. God is the pilot, of course. We are cruising along at a good altitude, enjoying the view and maybe listening to some good soulful music. Suddenly the plane takes a nose dive, then goes into a tail spin! He waits for me to crap my pants before he pulls the plane out of it, and through tears of gut-wrenching laughter, God (my God, the almighty God) says "Wow I really scared you! That was great! Ahhhwww...I'm sorry. But that really was hilarious!"

It makes me want to punch Him.

You know, I used to strongly dislike physical roller coasters too. The real, tangible, amusement park ones. I didn't hate them. I just didn't think there was any particularly good reason for throwing one's body around and letting it entertain the very real possibility that it could be flung unnaturally through the air and crash, just as unnaturally, to the ground. It seemed, well, unnatural.

That changed the day I decided to ride a ridiculously overpriced, extravagant, but still seemingly pointless roller coaster in Las Vegas, simply to pass the time away while waiting for a flight out of town. While buckling into the ride, I couldn't believe I had actually given someone hard earned money for just a few minutes of such an unnatural experience. However, those same few minutes later, my face filled with teethy grin, I hysterically screamed with a hoarse voice "Let's do it again!!"

No one could have convinced me beforehand how exhilarating and life-affirming that experience would be (...for me anyway...the teary first words of the friend we had forced to go with us were "I HATE YOU BOTH!"). Yes, I screamed. Yes, I roared. I screamed and roared with both terror and with thrill. There was not one cell in my body that was thinking.

Maybe the reason I previously did not like roller coasters is because they were too mild. They left room to think about and analyze the experience. Whereas the life altering experience in Las Vegas was pure reaction and emotion. The only intellectual part about it was the decision to pay the price and get on the ride.

Maybe that's what God wants for me on these emotional rides. He may want me to make the decision that I'm all in. And then experience His ultimate Extreme Emotional Thrill Ride. Won't it be fun when I can come out of an emotional tailspin saying "That was great!" instead of wanting to punch God?

Do You Have a Plan?

I'm excited. I'm starting something new again. Well, it's not quite new. It's been hanging around for years. But I'm starting it. Again. For real this time. I'm committed. I'm motivated. And I'm taking steps.

Today, someone asked me "Do you have a plan?" A plan? "Yeah. Do you have a plan?"

Do I need a plan? I mean, I just started. Albeit again. I just committed. Albeit finally. I trust it has all been in God's timing, the starting of this "new thing." His hand has been too evident in it to not believe that. And progress, too, will be in God's hands.

But isn't it true that failing to plan is the same as planning to fail? That's what common, modern, business enthusiasm would prescribe. Right? It makes sense. I'm restraining myself from reciting all the logical and very sensible reasons why this axiom is so prevalent. I know them all. They all make sense. They are boundaries and maps for our frail human determination. We need to have a plan to make progress. Don't we?

Why I'm restraining myself from the logical plan-making instead of just doing it, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I'd like to think that my lack of schedule and planning is somehow more "spiritually led" and thus more spiritual. That would justify it right? It certainly sounds better than I'm lazy or scatterbrained. Maybe it's because I want to make sure that God will get all the credit for any positive results because I would not have had MY plan to lean on. Maybe it's because I don't like planning. I just like being excited and starting something. Maybe it's because I like the element of surprise and newness each day when God unfolds what He wants me to do that day, instead of me knowing in advance what I intend to do and then being disappointed when it happens differently. I also like the excitement that ensues when I have "no idea where any of this is leading" but then suddenly I look back over the past months and see some awesome road that has been forged through a jungle.

No. I don't have a plan. At least not yet. Maybe never. Unless my plan is to follow God's prompting each day. Unless I get a plan FROM God tomorrow. Then I'll have a plan. You know what? I'm changing my answer. To: 

"Yes. I have a plan. But it's God's plan and He hasn't revealed it to me yet."

Leaving the Nest

This morning I had the privilege of watching two baby cardinals venture out of their nest for the first time! It was precious!
Thank you to the neighbors who saved one of them from their cat. The cat is "grounded" indoors for the rest of the day. A few minutes earlier, he sure looked suspicious...and bold!
There is no facing backward for any of these animals. That seems to be strictly a human characteristic.
Click on the photos for a close-up look.

How Long?

How many times have you cried out "How long?"
How long do I have to endure this?
How long do I have to be patient?
How long before the pain subsides?
How long will I have to walk this valley of the shadow of death?

I had a revelation yesterday. The answer to "How long?" is "At least until you believe it is forever." Maybe that answer is specific to me at this moment in my life, but I believe it has some universal truth also.

How many times have you believed your pain or struggle would last forever? For me, it has been often. But not consistently. That is, there have been many times when I thought I would never get out of a pit, but it obviously hasn't lasted my whole life-time. The interesting thing is that in order for it to happen often, wouldn't I have had to leave that pit at some point, in order to return to it? So, it is never forever even if I feel as though it will be.

This past week, I was there again. I was in a place of hopelessness. A place I was starting to believe I would never get out of, even though I had only been there a couple weeks. When suddenly it dawned on me that every time in the past that I felt I would be suffering forever, I had eventually found reprieve. That's when it hit me. If I believe healing can never happen, then when it does it truly is miraculous.

If, while I am in the pit, I believe I can work my way out, or read my way out, or laugh my way out, or medicate my way out, or fight my way out, or even pray my way out, then I am believing that I am, at least partially, in control of the outcome. However, if I accept that I have no control whatsoever...that this pain will last forever and there is no more I can do, then when I do find freedom, there is no doubt that it is the hand of God.

I read somewhere recently (and I wish I could remember where) something to the effect that "learning is in the heart, but knowing is in the soul." Only God can reach that place of our own knowing.

Time

Do you recognize the information bombardment that you receive on a daily basis? Internet, TV, radio, movies, news, advertising, texting, email and phone calls. Are you aware of worldly time structures? Punching the clock, being on time to meetings and church and school and social events, filling your calendar with appropriate activities, creating and checking off items on your to-do list. These are all man's invented conventions.

Life is not measured by time. Protect yourself from these worldly structures. It's OK to use technology and structures, but don't let them restrict or limit your route, your destination, or become the experience of the journey.

Moments are not blocks of time. Moments are experiences. 

Life is the moments, the experiences, the people, relationships, stories. The self discipline that you long for is not a structure or forcing yourself into an accomplishment. Self-discipline is BE-ing in the moment, fully BE-ing in the experience.

Do not let worldly conventions swallow you up and dominate you. Step outside of all those structures and technology and see them for what they are...tools. Then, trust God to create the moments, stories, and experiences for you to BE in.

Embrace the moments.

Dali's "Persistence of Time"